Before the Turn

by Cindervoice

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about

The Story of Cindervoice, by M.Rosin

In late 2004, having contributed guest vocals and instrumental performances to a number of Dead Raven Choir albums, I set out to chart a new path between progressive/psychedelic music and a poetic singer-songwriter style.

This idea became Cindervoice. I wrote and recorded a full-length debut album over the next several years. I handled the vocals and various instruments and programming. Guitarist Adam Russell augmented my basic acoustic guitar parts with wondrous, intricate electric guitars, leads, and bass. Drummer John O. provided the pulse through a subtle and muscular performance on percussion. The songs were strong, strange, and deeply felt, narrating a difficult and pivotal time in my life.

But something happened at the end of 2006: GODHEADSCOPE.

Although it began as a side-project, by mid-2007 GODHEADSCOPE released its well-reviewed debut album, A City Out of Sight, on God Is Myth Records. I became increasingly fascinated by the possibilities of the new project, and soon GODHEADSCOPE became my primary musical concern. The Cindervoice full-length—by then almost entirely recorded and roughly mixed—was set to one side, unintentionally.

I always knew I would finish the record. Before the Turn is my delivery on that promise—to myself, to the musicians who poured themselves into the vision and made it whole, and to the family, friends, and listeners who have waited so patiently.

These songs are prayers for change and better days. They got me through hard times. I hope they do the same for you.

credits

released December 14, 2010

Music/lyrics (except where noted) by M.Rosin.
Mastered by Robert Rich at Soundscape (Mountain View, CA), robertrich.com.
Morning Angel photo by G.Rosin / 4P Creations, www.4pcreations.com. Used by kind permission.

Track Listing
1. Get Up / 2. The Passenger / 3. Pills / 4. Hemorrhage / 5. Walking On Faces / 6. Cinders in the Throat / 7. Repetition / 8. God* / 9. Pass Not That Way Again** / 10. The View Above

* Includes quote from Psalm 10. The Scripture quotations contained herein are from the New Revised Standard Version Bible, copyright © 1989 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the U.S.A., and are used by permission. All rights reserved.
** Includes quote from Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Walter Kaufmann translation.

Personnel
M.Rosin: vocals, acoustic guitars, piano, synthesizers, programming.
with:
Adam Russell: electric and lead guitars, bass guitars.
John O.: drums and percussion.

Copyright (c) 2010 Meristem Music/Cindervoice, www.godheadscope.com.

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Track Name: Get Up
Get up out of your corner.

Digging at rocks and
shattered nerves
won’t lift you up.

Get up out of your corner.

My fallen child,
what have you become?

You used to be
a little god—

self-determined,
or so you believed,

as you danced
on the edge of
a blue crisis.

Get up out of your corner.
Track Name: The Passenger
Hatred is a dead body
handcuffed to my wrist.
I drag it behind me,
uphill and down.

The face which smears
over rocks and concrete
is the same as the one
I see in the mirror.

The fingers which cut
grooves into the soil
bear my fingerprints;
leave their traces.

The wake I trail behind me
slowly ceases to be red.
The passenger sheds his skin.
I grow still more hollow.

Blank features pass away
as my face grows ever harder.
My back curves from the weight;
the spine is bleached by sun.

By the time the bones remaining
detach and fall away,

there will be nothing left;

nothing left to save;

but an empty shell
dragging empty handcuffs
behind.
Track Name: Pills
Everything is out of focus—
I think I need to start taking pills:
something to equalize
the mountains and the silent pitch.
I’ve been careening—
I find that I’m exhausted, and
I don’t want my child to watch
her daddy go through life like this.

Everything just overwhelms—
I think I need to start taking pills:
something to stabilize
the edges that I’m walking on.
Lost in a corner,
my body is so tired, and
I don’t want your love to find
it can’t remain here at my side.

Everything escapes—
I think I need to start taking pills:
something to help me find
a steady voice that makes some sense.
I’ve been frustrating
the hopes and dreams that
get me out of bed.
I’ve had enough—
though I know I say that
once a year.
Track Name: Hemorrhage
My left hand is
bruised and bloodied
from the blows struck
by my right.

The better angels of my house
have seen the darkness
and taken flight.

Heart and lungs and
bones and liver
dissipate and
pass away.

My body collapses
as I hemorrhage
all doubt.

My left hand is
bruised and bloodied
from the blows struck
by my right.
Track Name: Walking On Faces
The dim light
hangs.
I punctuate
silence.

The dark corner
calls.
I choose
a careful path.

The floor is populated:
metal faces cry,
grimace, countenance
the violence of my gait,

clanking
protests;
warnings;
death-cries.

I enter
the heart.
The ceiling is low
at my head.

Brutal steps
ring sharp
in my ears.

Detachment dies in
protests;
warnings;
death-cries.

I choose
a path of return,
for which I am.

I remember
the dead
only through force,
clanks and cries.

What is my alibi?
What is my alibi?
Track Name: Cinders In the Throat
There are many voices
inflected in your own:
every intonation
an echo.
Notes shedding their ashes;
cinders in the throat.
Something long forgotten
now glows.

There are many voices
harnessed through your throat,
remembering their calling—
breath burning.
Every new beginning:
a borrowed melody;
a spark of recollection
opening.

There are many voices
inflected in your own:
every intonation
an echo.
Notes shedding their ashes;
cinders in the throat.
Something long forgotten
now glows.
Track Name: Repetition
Flowing, flowing,
overflowing;
can’t contain
the growing flood.
One times, two times,
three times, four times,
five times more
then once again.

Lock the door.

Repetition,
repetition;
deluge rising
to my breath.
Every moment
is an echo—
lock the door, now,
lock the door.

Ungodly,
all-controlling—
do not trust
your own goodwill.
Eyes and hands
too soon forgetting
what they’ve seen and
what they know.

My desires
marshal armies,
stand against
the forward path.
Turn around,
ever retracing
every lock on
every door—

five times more.

Ungodly,
all-controlling—
do not trust
your own goodwill.
Eyes and hands
too soon forgetting
what they’ve seen and
what they know.
Track Name: God
God is the great spiraling
staircase that I refused
to climb without looking down.

God is the great spiraling
staircase that I refused
to climb without looking down.

God is the great spiraling
staircase that I refused
to climb without looking down

at my feet.
Track Name: Pass Not That Way Again
"Where one can no longer love,
there one should pass by."
Though memory aches for former shapes,
pass not that way again.

Human curves and fingerprints
should not be cast in corners.
The huddled form is not for you.
Pass not that way again.

Where surprise has fallen mute,
there no gods will grow.
Those spirits have all lost their breath.
Release their spent air from your lungs.

Fever dreams too tightly held
deserve only your tears.
Lay to ground their will to death.
Pass not that way again.

Steps ahead, voices resound
that beckon us to being,
forgive us our misshapen pasts,
and welcome us in changing.

"Where one can no longer love,
there one should pass by."
Though memory turns to clasp cold lips,
pass not that way again.
Track Name: The View Above
The view from here is beautiful
for as far as I can see.
I love the way you arch your back
beneath me.
And though I feel that I’m at home,
I know that I’m flailing, and that
this penetration is
just a form of hiding.

What I see from the view above is
I’m still sinking
in ways that you can’t see.
I can’t speak with your tongue
in my mouth—
it relaxes me and helps me
keep on running.

Every day I try to find a way to
justify the way I’m using you, and
every day I try to find a way to
convince myself that what I feel is real—
but you just fill an absence that
I can never seem to heal.

What I see from the view above is
I’m still sinking
in ways that you can’t see.
I can’t speak with your tongue
in my mouth—
it relaxes me and helps me
keep on running.

What I see from the view above is
I’m still haunted
by ghosts that you can’t see.
You’ll believe that my feelings are true
‘til I’m still holding on

long after we are through.